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| My day has been very nice. It began with a 5 am feeding that could not have been sweeter. His little body bent into mine and while he nursed he stroked my cheek. That was the most perfect 15 minutes of my life.
Of-course, Kaz is a genious! Yesterday, while the girls and I were watching the weather channel ( A favorite here for hair forcasts), he stood up to the t.v. and tried to grab the words as they scrolled by. Pretty damn adorable!
Time to run off to softball events~~~
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| Wow! Talk about angry! I do not remember that pain or the anger I had two years ago. No wonder my marriage was in jeopardy. I came back on to write because I was a little down. After reading where I was then I feel pretty damn good. Kaz is his usual amazing self today. As I sit and watch him, I realize that as much as I enjoy accounting, I think I may go ahead and finish my teaching degree. I won't make any money, and I will work my ass off in a difficult position, but I can have summers with my son. I cannot bare the idea of working 40 hours a week in the summers while he is with another person. The worst for me as a child was going to someone elses house for the summer days. They would have their own room, toys, parents. I would yearn to go home and not feel like an outsider. I had talked myself out of teaching. Originally, I thought I would be a school counselor. Of-course they are phasing them out. But I could still make that my ultimate goal. I would only be in the classroom for about five years.... I am pondering.
What do you think, guys?
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| I haven't felt like talking. Friday morning Rocco was killed. He ran out the door and tried to play with a huge dog. The dog did not want to play. I have been miserable ever since. He was my baby. All day I just wanted to hold him one more time and tell him I loved him and would never let him get hurt. I even tried to bargain with God, begging him to let me go back to 7am. I don't remember ever doing that before.
On Saturday morning I had the most incredible dream. Rocco jumped around happily and then snuggled up to my neck. We slept together until I woke up. That dream saved me.
I am having Rocco cremated. His ashes will be in an urn with a pictoral memorial until I die. Then he will be buried with me.
We are adopting a new little boy. The girls do not know yet. He is also a chihuahua, but looks nothing like Rocco. He is 1lb 8oz, white with cream spots, and a mild underbite. Zyg and I are going to go pick him up next weekend. He is in Missouri. We have named him Dexter.
Dexter will not replace Rocco. No one ever could. The difference will be the hope Dexter will give the family while we mourn.
I hope you do not think that I am silly. My dog was so much more to me than a pet.
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